And now something different ....

[Theodore J. Soldatos]

Apo ton syggrafea toy BOFH - To parakato keimeno to vrhka sthn home page
toy ( http://prime-mover.cc.waikato.ac.nz/simon.html )...

The X-File they tried to Ban

[COMPUTING LAB - WEST VIRGINIA (No great loss coming up)]
We see a Pimply Faced Youth working over a terminal. Suddenly he looks
up at the screen, scrabbles frantically with the keyboard, then shields
his face with his arms,
screaming 

[LATER THAT DAY] 

Mulder: So what do you think? 
Scully: Well, I'd have to run an autopsy to be sure, but I believe that
he may have suffered some form of seizure; judging by the expression
frozen on the victims face, it
would appear that death was not instantaneous. 
Mulder: So you think he saw knew that he was having a seizure? 
Scully: Yes, I believe he probably had some form or aura, not unlike
that which sufferers of epilepsy encounter before their attacks. 
Mulder: Hmm 
Scully: You don't seem convinced? 
Mulder: I don't know. You'd think that if he'd had an aura, as you call
it, he would know what to expect, in which case it would seem strange
that it hadn't proved fatal, or at
least requiring his hospitalisation before this? 
Scully: This could just have been a particularly bad example. 
Mulder: I dunno.. 
Scully: You have some other theory? 
Mulder: Well, judging by the evidence - the computing lab, the geeky
haircut and way out of date clothes, not to mention B.O. smell, I'd say
he was killed by the computer.

Scully: That's ridiculous Mulder, how can a computer kill someone? 
Mulder: No, not the computer Scully, something in it. Look... 
Scully: What is it? 
Mulder: It's a plastic bag, probably used to cover a cheaply written
CD-Rom 
Scully: YOU THINK HE WAS KILLED BY PIRATED SOFTWARE?!? 
Mulder: Worse Scully, I think he was killed by the Unix Standard. 
Scully: THAT'S RIDICULOUS Mulder! You know there's no such thing! 
Mulder: I'm not so sure. Take a look at the victim some more. Note the
absence of razor blades to slit his wrists with nor 200 jar of aspirin
to swallow with some Vodka.
This is no Microsoft user. And see his PC is way overpopulated with
memory. I think it was the Unix Standard. 
Scully: That's crazy Mulder. He might be running some store-bought non-
standard on his machine. 
Mulder: I'm not convinced Scully, all the evidence points that way. 
Scully: ALL THE EVIDENCE? Mulder, just because the Man didn't appear
suicidal doesn't mean he wasn't killed by some other product! Have you
ever used Exchange to
get your email?! Or used America Online? 
Mulder: No, I think it was the Unix Standard 
Scully: Mulder! It's just a story, a myth, invented by aged Computer
Scientists to justify the fact that they don't want to go back into the
real world to work! 
Mulder: I grant you that that might be the case occasionally, but this
time I think I'm right. 
Scully: Well you must have more than you're telling me. 
Mulder: Well maybe I have.. 
Scully: What is it? 
Mulder: Scully, I never told you this, but after my sister disappeared I
was at a loose end. I had trouble sleeping, and my schoolwork went down
the tubes. 
Scully: Disrupted sleep and study habits are quite common in emotional
trauma situations Mulder and I don't see tha.. 
Mulder: My parents tried to improve my academic situation by buying me a
computer. A Sinclair ZX80. 
Scully: And this is where you got your crazy idea? 
Mulder: No. Just listen! One night I was up late, writing a Goodbye
World program when the room was filled with a bright light. My arms and
legs felt heavy, and I was
unable to move. When I came to, my computer was gone. 
Scully: You're saying aliens abducted your computer too? 
Mulder: Yes. I know it sounds strange, but it happened. 
Scully: I'm sure there must be a logical explanation for this, a
lightening storm. Maybe your machine fell out your bedroom window. 
Mulder: Then how come it was back in my room the next morning? 
Scully: You must have dreamed it then. The dream was simply so vivid
that you mixed it up with reali.. 
Mulder: Just LISTEN! I thought that too. But then I switched my machine
on... 
Scully: What happened? 
Mulder: It booted linux. 
Scully: That's crazy, linux wasn't even around then! 
Mulder: Well, not officially anyway. 
Scully: You're saying that your machine having a pre-linux version of
linux on it is somehow related to this case? 
Mulder: I think so 
Scully: But linux isn't the Unix Standard! 
Mulder: Try telling a linux user that. 
Scully: So what are you saying? 
Mulder: I'm saying that maybe this whole linux development, you know,
with contributions etc from the public domain, is just a way of making
linux the definitive Unix
Standard. 
Scully: Then how do you explain it appearing on your machine? 
Mulder: That's just it! It can't possibly have appeared on my machine
all those years ago. Unless... 
Scully: Unless what Mulder? 
Mulder: Unless linux was written by the aliens, and all this Public
Domain stuff is just a cover up... 

[A ROOM IN THE UN BUILDING] 
FatMan: It would appear that Agent Mulder has found out about the
software 
CancerMan: Mulder knows nothing. He's got no proof. 
FatMan: We can't have him getting any closer to the truth. 
CancerMan: He can't and he won't. I've taken steps to ensure this. 
FatMan: What steps? 
CancerMan: I've had OSF-1 installed on the victim's machine. And six
bottles of aspirin left laying around. It's unlikely that the
investigation team will survive. 
FatMan: What about Mulder? 
CancerMan: He'll shortly have other red herrings to fry.. 

[FBI HEADQUARTERS] 
Skinner: Whilst I appreciate the work you have put into this, I'm
recommending that the case be closed as a non-X file. 
Mulder: You can't! The people have a right to know that aliens are
abducting their machines and installing linux on them to track their
machines! 
Skinner: The case no longer has top priority. 
Mulder: Well what HAS? 
Skinner: We heard that Microsoft was releasing software that wasn't
based on someone else's ideas. We're worried that the core temperature
of Hell might be dropping. 
Mulder: I'll get right onto it. 
Scully: But we must always bear in mind that some things just cannot be
explained... 


-- 
Theodore=J.=Soldatos=_\_="There=is=always=a=bug=somewhere",=said==HAL=to=the==
=  theodore at eexi.gr
=_/_==Ultimate=Programmer,=and=turned=off=the=air=supply.=
=====================_\_="Everybody=knows=the=war=is=over,====================
==== Scientific
=====_/_==everybody=knows=the=good=guys=lost"===Leonard=Cohen=
= Publications Ltd. =_\_============ http://w4u.eexi.gr/~theodore
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